Once upon a time in a land by the sea there lived a princess. She had a loving heart and a caring spirit. For most of the time the princess enjoyed living in the kingdom. She had a loving family and among the community she had friends who accepted her for who she was and allowed her into their circle.
Of course there were time when the enemy came to attack, and the princess learned to shelter in the strong walls of the tower so that the arrows and darts flown her way wouldn’t pierce her soul.
As she grew older she started to notice that the enemies weren’t just those from outside the kingdom. They were in her own land…and their weapons were more deadly. She started being more cautious as she realised there were people she couldn’t trust, some people who would be nice to her one day and unkind to her the next, people who disliked her simply because of her position, or sometimes just because they didn’t like the decision the king had just had to make.
Then came the day that devastated the princess. She trusted the wrong person with some information. She became a pawn in a battle that caused a stir in the kingdom. An arrow pierced her soul that day.
The princess was furious with herself. How could she have not seen that coming? Why did she not think things through first? All she had wanted was to be treated normally – and she thought that would be honoured. But no, it never could be. She would not be that selfish. And she would never allow anything like that to happen again!
The princess shakily got up. She bandaged the wound tightly as best as she could and made a decision. She would do things differently. She couldn’t trust her judgement anymore, so she would go where it was safe. No one must know how deeply she had been wounded. No one must ever be allowed to take her by surprise again. And no one else was going to be drawn to the frontline by her again either.
She went inside the castle walls, and drew up the drawbridge. Only those who had proven themselves trustworthy would be allowed past her walls. The princess had learned her lesson. She would keep her distance. Her heart was tucked further away, protected from harm.
The princess knew people talked about her now. Someone accused her of being too high and mighty for them. The princess just sadly looked on. 
Those accusers had no idea they were the very ones that had sent her into seclusion. There were times she wanted to reach out and help somebody, times she just wanted to laugh and be free. But she wouldn’t. She knew whatever she did would be judged, whatever she did wouldn’t be right in someone’s eyes, and she wouldn’t let anyone else get drawn into a possible crossfire because she interfered. She felt she would do more harm than good. So she stifled that natural part of herself. A part of her died that day. But she kept her vow, and no one else was harmed because of her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Recently I have read a couple of books which have featured children of Christian leaders as characters and the struggles they face in that role. Both stories struck a chord with me. In one the heroine was a daughter of missionaries who died on the field, the other was the brother of the heroine whose family were prominent lights in the field of Christian music and so had the media spotlight on them. I understood both of their hearts.
You see, I too have walked the path as a daughter of leaders who ran a Christian Youth Camp, and I can tell you it is not an easy path for a child to walk.
What saddened me was when reading the reviews for one of these books, some reviewers complained about Julie (the heroine) and her character and temperament. I would say she is an accurate portrayal of many children who have parents in Christian leadership, be it missionaries like Julie’s were, or pastors, youth leaders, evangelists. I would say most have experienced the feelings Julie has, even if it was only temporary and they moved on. I felt the author brought to light that aspect of children whose parents are in ministry rather well and it just reminds us that when we pray for our church leaders and missionaries, we need to doubly pray for their children. I would love to see more when missionaries are sent out and have prayer partners, that the children themselves receive a specific prayer partner for them.
The sour note for me was that people still don’t understand what it is like to be a child of Christian workers, and don’t see the wounds that are afflicted on them, and the scars that carry on with them throughout their life.
So, today, I want to spotlight the young warriors thrown into battle and how you and your children can help support them in the fight.
For all children of Christian leaders in whatever ministry they are in, this post is for you!
God calls the parents, they answer and are willing to experience any sacrifice to answer that call. What is harder is that the children are also
called to sacrifice a lot and being only children they don’t always understand why or how or what the bigger picture entails.
When a couple answer God’s call and take up a position in ministry, be they pastors, youth leaders, missionaries, evangelists, they are an immediate target of Satan. He does not want the gospel of Christ to reach more people, and he will do his utmost to thwart that by whatever means he can.
He also seeks to destroy families. Christian families who are bringing up children in the knowledge of Christ, who will then do the same thing, are something he also doesn’t want happening.
The families who are in Christian leadership are the ones he really sets his sights on to destroy. And usually (sadly) he stirs up people (both adults and children) to help destroy the ministry.
So what can you do for the children in your church?
~ Please pray for them. Cover them daily with your prayers that they will know the love of Christ surrounding them, that they will be protected when Satan tries to oppress them.
~ Let them know you are praying for them. Also let them know they can let you know if there is anything they particularly need prayer for. They might not always be able to tell you the specific situation. Respect that. Sometimes there will be things they see and/or hear, but aren’t allowed to talk about it outside their family. Instead ask them what they particularly need prayer for in that situation: Wisdom? Strength to endure? Deliverance? Know God’s love for them?
~ If you have children the same age, then invite the children round to your house regularly, and encourage the friendship between them. Children of Christian workers are often perceived by adults
and children alike to be perfect (they must be, because their parents are pillars in the Christian community, right?) and so are often left out or treated differently because they aren’t the same, will be stuffy and no fun to be with…the list goes on. I lost count of the times people became surprised when they discovered I was the leader’s daughter or when they ended up with me sharing a tent, or we were happened to be with the same group of friends and they realised I was fun to be with, and wasn’t at all what they were expecting me to be. If we are shy, withdrawn, reserved, then that’s because people have been unkind and we don’t know how to trust people anymore.
~ We are expected to be perfect and set an example. We can’t relax because we have to be careful what we say and do. The pressure of the spotlight on us continually is immense. Adults, as well as children can be incredibly hard and cruel when we make the slightest mistake. We are human, we do make mistakes, and as we navigate through those turbulent teen years it is hard enough trying to work out what is the right thing to do without being criticised for everything we get wrong even when we thought we were doing the right thing but our judgement was wrong. If you are the Sunday School, Youth Worker in the church then gently pull them aside and let them know that whatever they did/said wasn’t acceptable. If the parents are there and see it, leave it to them to sort out. If you don’t have a close association with the child and are concerned about their behaviour, then speak to the parents. Please do
not put them down in public or even talk/mutter/gossip about that child’s behaviour with other people. Think about how you would want your child to be treated, and treat them the same way.
Please also note that other children are watching. Not only will the children of Christian leaders feel the strain and think I can’t do anything right, why should I even bother, which can then lead to rebellion, but the others will be thinking If they can’t do it right, there’s no way I can either, why should I bother if I’m going to be treated like that?
~ Please don’t defer to the child, or ask their opinion in front of their peers. I had a number of occasions when an adult would add on “Isn’t that right, Wendy?” or would say “I don’t know, ask Wendy.” If you don’t know, then fine, say you don’t know, but don’t put the responsibility on the child. Go to find out the information yourself from the leaders. When you involve the child you lose respect from that child, as well as putting that child on an awkward level with their peers. I always hated it when I was put in that position. Usually, I didn’t know and would have to say “I don’t know, you need to check with my parents.” (My parents deliberately didn’t tell me anything so that I couldn’t say anything, but for some reason people always seemed to think I did know. Sometimes I knew parts about something simply because something happened when I was there, but generally I didn’t know the full story. I never wanted to, but even if I had my parents would not have said.)
Encourage your children to go the leaders if they have a question about something, or something concerns them. Don’t involve the leader’s children. I also had a number of times when my peers would ask me a question, I would say “I don’t know, you’ll have to ask Dad,” to which they would say “Can you ask him instead?” I hated it when that happened too. Other children need to know that it’s the adults they go to with the query, not the children. The children are to be their friends not intermediaries.
~ If you have a problem with the leadership, with what they are doing, or not seeming to do, then please pray about it and then go to the leadership and talk to them about it. Please do not talk about it, mumble, mutter, grumble about it with other members of the congregation, community, or whatever sphere you are in. It’s how gossip spreads, rumours form that create discontent and things get blown out of proportion. There may be a perfectly logical reason for whatever is being done – or not done. It may be to protect another member of the congregation. So what has this to do with the children? Well, they will pick up on the gossip, either through hearing it from adults themselves (some of whom aren’t too discerning about what other ears might be listening to their conversation) or through other children who hear it and then bring it to the attention of the leader’s children in not so kind ways. This is very hurtful, and is doubly so when you are attacked because people aren’t happy with your parents. Children will possibly not tell parents what is going on because they want to protect their parents from further hurt, thus meaning they now don’t have anyone to go to tell their troubles. Also children will know where the comments are coming from (or have a general idea anyway) and again, if they think that’s how adults who call themselves Christians behave then they want nothing to do with it, especially when they see the love and sacrifice their parents are giving to serve and not being appreciated.
Also, please do not put down the parents to the children. You might not like or appreciate something that the parent has done but respect that those children love their parents.
So let’s start encouraging and building up the princesses and warriors in our churches. Please don’t let them ever feel like being who they are is too hard, and that belonging in God’s family and fighting in His army is just not worth it.
Oh, and as for the princess in the story, well finally she stopped listening to the lies Satan was giving her and opened her heart to God’s loving words concerning her. Slowly, but surely, she is building her identity in Christ and blossoming into the woman God meant for her to be…and because she is a child of God, she knows she will live happily ever after!
~ Wendy Sparkes ~